Words of Wisdom
HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Try everything twice. On Madam’s (of Whelan’s and Madam) tombstone she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice…loved it both times! 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches). 3. Keep learning: Learn more about computers, crafts, gardening, […]
Irish Humor
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, ‘Oh, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife. […]
The Future of Nursery Rhymes
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct. It’s Raining, It’s Pouring. Oh shit, it’s Global Warming. Mary had a little lamb her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two […]
Students ~ Police
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Somewhere, somehow your son is depriving a village of an ‘idiot’. 5. Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails […]
Poem
A WOMAN’S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who’s not a creep, One who’s handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who’ll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he’s gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won’t […]
The Kiss
She is pregnant; he had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire. When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest. A photographer from […]
