Blonde Jokes

Blonde On An Airline

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She tells the blonde that she paid for the economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies. “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here.”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy, she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies. “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here.”
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason. The pilot says,
“You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”
The pilot goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear. The blonde says,
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She gets up and goes back to her seat in economy. The flight attendant and the co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to make her move without and fuss.
…….
…….
“I told her that first class isn’t going to Houston”!

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Three Blondes Fishing

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says,
“Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”
“We don’t have any.” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses.” said the Game Warden.
“But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want.” And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
“What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two, “doesn’t he know that there are steelhead in this river?!”

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Blonde Does Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“Well, I’ve bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”
“What’s the picture of?” he asks.
“It’s of a big rooster,” she replies.
“All right,” he says, “I’ll come over and have a look.”
When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she’s been struggling with and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then…..” he sighed, “…let’s put all these cornflakes back in the box.”

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Two Sisters Buy A Bull

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon
leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’
The Brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599 no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says,
“I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be happy to help her out, and then adds that it will be 0.99 cents a word. She realizes that after paying for the bull she only had a dollar left, she would only be
able to send her sister one word, she thinks for a minute and nods her head and says,
“I want to send my sister the word ‘comfortable’ “.
The telegraph operator says how is she going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer up to the truck and come and pick you up with the word comfortable? The brunette explains my sister is a blonde the word’s big so she’ll read it slow…
… COM-FOR-DA-BUL …

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Blonde Wins Contest

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. She peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch.”
But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
Finally the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize!”
The blonde says, “No it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!” She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads…
.
.
.
.
.
” W I N A B A G E L”

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Blonde Pulled Over By Highway Patrol

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She
dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

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Blonde Enters Swimming Contest

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and a redhead in the
Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first and the redhead was a close second. Much later, the blonde finally reached shore, completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she muttered,
“I don’t want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those other two girls used their arms.”

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Blonde In Vegas

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face,
“Can’t you see I’m winning?”