Seasoned Citizens
Wisdom From Grandpa It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial rates And blamed it on the cost of living. Remember, If you haven’t got a smile on your face And laughter in your heart, Then you are just a sour old fart! “Have a Great Day, unless you’ve made other plans”
How to Recognize a Taliban Member
YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF: 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider […]
A Heartwarming Lawyer Story
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?””We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat […]
Redneck Vasectomy
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could […]
Thought of the Day
To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. Anatole France
True Story of Rudolph
A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.. His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn’t understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad’s eyes and […]
Thought of the Day
” When anger rises, think of the consequences.” Confucius
Lemon Picker
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this: “Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?” “Well, as a matter of fact, I have! “I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 […]
