In a Bar
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At McDougal’s, you buy a […]
Moms in Therapy
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. ‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’ He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests […]
Golfer & Leprechaun
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. […]
Kids in Church
3-year-old Reese : ‘Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.’ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy was overheard praying: ‘Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.’ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason […]
Wise Quotes
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’ – Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: – ‘No good in a bed, […]
Words of Wisdom
Confucius Says: *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run in front of car get tired. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with one chopstick go hungry. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Baseball is wrong: Man with four balls […]
NSF
Letter to the bank Dear Sirs: One of my checks was returned marked “insufficient funds”. In view of current events in the banking market, does that refer to me or to you?
Tailgater
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her […]
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand […]
People are Very Smart
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked! Q:I have never […]
