Poem
A WOMAN’S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who’s not a creep, One who’s handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who’ll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he’s gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won’t […]
Q & A
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR? A: It’s Braille for ‘suck here.’ Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but ‘down under.’ Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. […]
Crabs
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of crabs. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave […]
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes” WOMAN: “I am […]
Words of Wisdom
Confucius Says: *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run in front of car get tired. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with one chopstick go hungry. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Baseball is wrong: Man with four balls […]
Thinking Outside the Box
His lucky day! She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt she normally slept in. As he walked in, almost awake, she turned to him and said softly, ‘You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!’ His eyes lit up and he […]
Fun at the Old Folks Home
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined […]
A Man’s Work is Never Done
My wife said, “Whatcha doing?” – I said, “Nothing.” She said, “You did that yesterday.” – I said, “I wasn’t finished.”
Most Beautiful Woman in the World
Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together. Shrek said, ‘I have always thought that I’m the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure?’ Angelina Jolie agreed. ‘I’m told I’m the most gorgeous of them all, but sometimes I wonder.’ Brad Pitt said, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m the […]
